And I am not talking from a gender or physical point of view but strictly energetic. Because that’s what tantra is – energy practice.
Polarity is really what attracts us as humans. This is a rod of magnetism, when the two opposite poles, feminine and masculine, meet. It is important to understand that we are being both. All of us have both within ourselves, they are inseparable. And to point it out, they do not contradict each other but rather compliment each other.
To give you an example of feminine and masculine polarities, I like to compare it to the elements of water and fire. Feminine energy is like cool water, slowly flowing, love to surrender when it feels safe and finally wants to be filled and taken, fully ravished. Masculine energy is fiery, fast, focused, direct. He wants to come to the end, to finish, to complete, just like the fire starts burning, it wants to destroy everything that surrounds it fast.
So it is important to be aware of this polarity within ourselves and create an understanding that we do need both to balance the sexual energy within. Remember, they are not contradictory but complimentary. Honoring both will create a deep and harmonious relationship.
Notice, which polarity is closer to you? It can shift, of course, depending on your relationship, stages of your life, difficult or happy circumstances, etc. Usually, in long term relationships, people get so close to each other, doing everything together, going places together, liking same things, etc. Eventually they start to look alike. Life becomes monotonic, the same. And when everything stays the same, attraction fades away. So does passion. So does desire.
What do we do in this case? I invite you to honor your polarities, whatever it is. It is your unique pattern. In order to cultivate the attraction, you may consider playing with it. First, discover which one is your core polarity, which one it feels most natural to you. Do you enjoy surrendering or pursuing? Do you like to be held or do the holding? What is most enjoyable for you? Once you discover that, you can bring the awareness and play with the other polarity, which is not so distinct. Switch roles. It may first feel uncomfortable for you since you are uncovering parts of yourself you never dared before. Stay playful and innocent, that is always the easiest way to adjust to the unknown. Then you will notice how the new energy starts pulling you towards each other , creating new sense of passion, magnetism, closeness.
When it comes to a sexual healing, most of us want to think it’s not me, this has nothing to do with me. I’m fine, more than fine. The truth is - we all need some sexual healing. Consciously or unconsciously we carry guilt, shame, resentment around our sexuality from our parents, grandparents and so on. It’s been a journey of many lives. Sex is so important yet very strong part of us and can be used everywhere and for many different purposes now. Everyone has their own opinion about it and that’s what makes it so challenging to really understand our own true sexuality. We are confused and disconnected. Sometimes it paralyzes us, sometimes we get to indulge in it that it becomes a form of addiction not a feeling anymore. Guilt and shame is like a poison to sexuality. It creates deep wounds from the very childhood for most of us. And every single time something triggers those wounds, it hurts deeper and deeper. So, we start to protect ourselves by building the walls around our bodies and our psyche, as if we are ready for a battle. And it is a battle between protection and growth. Both cannot win. We either stay safe within our cells or we break through the walls and keep growing. When it comes to sex and intimacy, we all want (some more open, some more secretive) to drop all the armor, bare ourselves fully and surrender into each other’s presence, sacred union, vulnerable sexual connection, intense sensuality... all of it. It’s not that easy to do when the other part of our brain keeps fighting against it that sex is just minor, bad, meaningless, etc. That we need to protect ourselves from being hurt. Anxiety, stress follow and it continues to affect other areas of our lives. Finally libidos go down - not feeling or wanting anymore, maybe even hating to think about it. We start blaming each other, circumstances, situations... let’s rewind to the beginning of this - sexual healing. Who needs it? We all do. Sex is our barometer. When sex thrives, it uplifts us, it establishes the foundation of our relationships, it deepens our love, which is the biggest healer out of all.